I have seen a lot of people recently talk about self image and being able to love yourself, and that’s why I have decided to write about this, because I really struggle with that.
For the last few weeks, months, probably even years, I have felt as though I am not as good as anyone else in any way. People tell me I have a lot going on for myself, but for some reason I just can’t accept it as the truth. Others just tell me just to get over it, but I don’t think they get how much I am hurting inside.
It’s got to the point where I have become obsessed with making myself look as good as I can before I leave, because over the years people picked out every little flaw I had, and it made me scared of it happening all over again. So now, I do anything I can to stop it before it does happen. It wasn’t just my appearance, but the way in which I acted, and who I was. Everything I was, was wrong to them, and at any chance they had, they tried to alter that part of me.
The emotional distress ruined me!
I went from having total confidence in myself, to not being able to leave without being frightened of what others might think, or if I would see these people again. This was partly where my anxiety came from, and why I find it difficult to leave my house at all.
Over the years I became much worse, and have even reached the point where all I can say to myself is, ‘I hate myself’ or ‘why am I like this’. I have realised, although I am not with these people anymore, I am continuing what they did to me, by bringing myself down. Maybe that’s what they wanted. I don’t know!
But what I do know is, I can’t keep living this way, so I am going to do whatever I can to change my views on myself, and beat those who beat me down!
Thank you guys for all of the support you have given me, you are the ones that keep me going, along with my parents and friends, and constantly help me with your great comments!